


black hole; or, what you said when you tried to run away

by PuellaMidori



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuellaMidori/pseuds/PuellaMidori
Summary: Buffy accumulates vast amounts of unsent emails while she's alone in L.A. while she tries to hold on to something (or someone) she's missing.[Set during the summer between S2 and S3]





	black hole; or, what you said when you tried to run away

There was a librarian in L.A., a young woman not much older than Buffy herself. Buffy stops in there every once in a while, when she's feeling lonely, needing somebody to talk with. She found it funny how her life was starting to collect a number of librarians and other research-y types in it, but at least this young woman was nothing like Giles. At least she never sent Buffy off seeking demons at the risk of her own death.

She had helped Buffy set up an email account not long after she rolled into town. Buffy had asked about it, saying she “wanted to be able to keep in touch with somebody from her old school, but she was, like, really into computers so I thought maybe I could surprise her with this?” The librarian had walked with her to one of the few computers they had, explaining that nobody really used them all that often and she was one of the few people working there who even knew how to use them. She wasn’t even sure who it was that had managed to convince the library to buy them. She seemed glad of her chance to put that know-how to use though.

She showed Buffy how to add her recipient, how to save an e-mail to send later, and how to log out and back in again whenever she needed. Then she left Buffy by herself so she could send her first message.

_Willow, I miss you. Don’t come looking for me._

No, that wasn’t right at all. She deleted her opening and started again.

_Willow! Hi! I’m in L.A. and I’m having a great time here!_

No.

_Willow, please, don’t be upset with me. I’m safe, but I’m not coming home._

Getting a little better.

Buffy sat there for over an hour, agonizing over what to send to her best friend. The girl who had been in the _hospital_ when she walked out on her. Well, okay, it wasn’t just Willow she had left behind, but it was Willow who’s loss stung her the most. She hoped Willow was okay, healing up and not getting herself into any more trouble than she needed to. But by the time Buffy felt satisfied with the words she had put down on the screen she came to a crushing realization. She didn’t have Willow’s email address. Great! She couldn’t just write a letter, or even call her. They’d find out where she was, and Buffy Summers was _not_ in the mood to be found. She had no way of letting Willow know she was even alive. She had no way of finding out whether _Willow_ was _okay_. Not sure why, Buffy hit the button she had been told would save her email before she logged out and headed back to her grungy appartment, dejected. Maybe she just wasn’t ready yet to accept that, for all intents and purposes, as long as she stayed out here Willow was gone.

She goes back to that computer sometimes, filling up the drafts of her account with more messages to Willow.

_Willow, you won’t believe the asshole I had to serve in the diner today! Just the worst!_

_Willow, I got a great tip at work today! I think they felt sorry for somebody so young to be working here._

_Willow, I sat outside and watched the sunset last night. It’s beautiful when you’re not worrying about the vamps that inevitably follow it. Do you think we could do that together someday, sit and watch the sunset and not have to worry?_

_Willow, did I ever tell you about the librarian here who helped me set up my email? I think you’d get along really well with her. You could be friends! Well, except that I guess you’re not ever going to come here, so maybe not._

_Willow, I actually went for a walk yesterday and found this little shop you’d just love! They’ve got all kinds of used clothes, and furniture, and even books, and the clothes aren’t even totally gross and completely awful looking either. It’s like, vintage, but definitely cute vintage. You should come see it with me sometime. Oh, but I guess you can’t._

_Willow, I miss you. Please come find me._

_Willow,_

_Willow,_

_Willow,_

_Willow,_

The helpful librarian is glad to see somebody make use of the lonely computer in the library, and asks Buffy about “her friend”, how she’s doing, if she’s enjoying the emails. Buffy lies every time. But sometimes she finds herself talking about not just how Willow is, but _who_ she is, She never lies about that. Willow deserves to have everyone love her as much as Buffy does.

Then one day, with all her earthly possessions packed into the bag on her back, Buffy makes a stop at the library before she goes back to the bus station. She’s not sure why, she knows Willow will never see what she writes anyway, but it feels like she has to finish what she’s started.

She logs back into her email account, probably for the last time before she forgets all about it, and saves one more draft.

_Willow, I love you. I’m not running away anymore. I’m figuring out what’s really important to me, and I’m coming back to you. See you soon!_

She’s smiling as she walks toward the library doors, toward, eventually, Sunnydale, and vampires, and everything she wanted to leave behind, but also, toward Willow.

“Are you going back to her? To see her again, I mean,” the librarian asks Buffy on her way out, a knowing look on her face.

“Yes,” Buffy answers. “Thank you.” She watches the door close behind her and then turns, headly bravely forward. Heading bravely back home.


End file.
